It just seems like, I am not important to him anymore. Nobody know how hurting it feels.. After enduring so much, this is what I received. Why am I so naive?

也许我对你来说以没有那么珍贵,也许这份爱以累了吧。。。当我心疼的时候，你一点都不理我。你到底还要不要这份爱，如果不要，告诉我，不要让我像白痴一样的等。

What will you do to someone whom you trust so much but betray ur trust and put you in misery .. What will you do again if he/she didn't realize that it's a huge pain to you and expect you to behave just like nothing happened ?

My boyfriend, Tan Kahau choose to love me just the way I am. He never want to change me though I am hot tempered, stubborn and unreasonable at times. He devote his time fully to me whenever he has the chance. His navy is pulling us further , straining the relationship we thus build. unhappiness, misunderstanding and insecurities have showered us blurring our purpose in this relationship but I am glad that we cleared all the mist in the air today. Finally we are back to the same again.

I will change and I must change for the sake of him. I love him and only him.

Though I am really upset that my bf has to sail, I have to be strong and wait for him to be back. Signing on might be a mistake, for what done had already been done.. I will my best to put this aside and never dig it out again.

I will continue waiting. I'll look forward to the very day when you finish your Navy and ask me to be your princess and never leave me again. Though our relationship is tough, I still believes in Fairy Tales. It can true for that's what I believe in.

Dear, lets stay strong.
I'll stand by you.
I Love You .

You are already part of my life.

Saw the news today. The tsunami was scary . I saw the ship toppled, crashed on to the bridge and washed on to the land . Image of kahau went through my mind. I tear. I couldn't control. I am afraid that similar disaster might happen to him. He is still sailing and no one knows what will happen next . For a moment, I hope that he can break the bond . I really don't want anything to happen to him. I can't afford to lose him. He is too important to me.

I know I am selfish. I don't care. I want my boyfriend to be safe and sound. I don't need a luxurious life, all I need is him.

Heartbroken

Dear, be back soon. I miss you.

Cheer ended at about 2 pm today, currently I am at compass point walking around aimlessly. I really don't know what to do.. I feels so lonely. I really hope that there's something to fill this emptiness. I think I'll go in to depression soon if this continues. I really miss kahau a lot .. What should I do to keep u by my side forever ? Chat with biyi today ..she told me that the longest time that Nigel left her was 6 months. I really dont want to experience the same thing. I really don't want. Bf told me that he won't leave me for so long . Who should I believe ? Stop lying to me .. I am not a kid :( what is love when you are not around ? Don't tell me that love can withstand anything .. For me, love is the time spend together ..

It's really a torture for me.
Sometimes I wake up hoping that I never knew u so that I don't need to feel so empty without you.

Teach me what to do ?
Teach how to love you in this kind of condition..

I hate my life and I hate myself for being over reliance to him .

Graduated from poly and moving on to the next stage of life.

Am in a dilemma ..

Pursue law ?

Sports science ?

NIE?

Or

Art ?

I don't know what I want now ...

BON VOYAGE BABY.

Yesterday he refused to hold my hand and chose to ignore me . There was a silent war between us but ironically, we don't know how it started.

We are both struggling. Struggling to cope with the painful separation on this coming Wednesday. I don't want to bid farewell and see him 6 weeks later. However, I know I need to face it.

We can't escape.

We try not to think about it but as time passes, we realized that we are running out of time. We need to sit down and talk. No more cold war.

Though 6 weeks sounds really long but looking at it , I will spend 2 weeks studying for my final year exam and also another 4 weeks on preparation for cheer competition .

I will wait for dear to be back and show him my fantastic results n a champion cup !

Fear.. Disappointment.. Take them away.

Dear, I will be waiting for you. Waiting for you to be back by my side again. It's just 6 weeks. For you, you must leave the port telling yourself that it will be fun n exciting . There's will be a lot of things you will learn and these are beneficial for you and in your career . If you think it's sian, it will follow you for the next 6 weeks. So be positive baby.

To not feel upset is impossible, that I know. Wipe off your tears and be strong ok ?

I am waiting for you
Love you always.

Today is valentine day("v") it's ok that we cant celebrate it this season, I know you love me and that's more than enough. If you feel bad, just return me when you are back ok ? I will never run away, never, never . You need to have faith in our relationship. We took 2 years 5 months plus to build up . We invested so much and I won't just left it go cos you go sailing :) don't be silly.

Tan Kahau ! Xie xie for loving me.

I believe I am the most blissful girl in the world.

I love you kahau ("v")

bless all lovers =)

dear, i will be missing you

My student got in to a road accident 2 days ago. The motorist died and now she is struggling to stay alive. Lying in the ICU alone, she has to bear the unbearable physical and mental pain. Doctor put her into coma to let her rest . If her brain pressure goes down, she will be fine. She is still struggling . Still fighting to open her eyes. it's so heartbreaking to see her in this state. I just saw her last Saturday in the tuition centre. She's so skinny, so vain, so hardworking and has so much prospects in her life . How could god be so cruel ? She worked so hard for her English , a maths n sciences just for the coming o level but everything just happened so soon . Just too soon. My dear girl , stay strong . We are there to go through this with you . I love you girl.


Heartbroken.

So glad to have my friends With me. I would have died for my individual project without them.

Project submission is at 9am tmr , am not sleeping tonight. Hopefully I don't die for tmr lecture, tutorial n project meeting.. Oh there's reunion dinner too !

I am very tired .. But no choice .

This cny, I didn't buy any new clothings , heels and bag :( I have no time .

All I want is a gd sleep .

Dear will be back tmr . Finally.

My coach shouted at me right in front of everyone when it's not even my fault. I straightened my body to go up the stunt, my bases missed the timing and thrown me at a wrong angle . How can I even counter when the force is so strong? Top flyer's job is to shut up n lock isn't it?

Angry

currently i am at bf's place. He is packing his army stuff while i am doing my project.Year 3.2 is certainly stressful. There's many individual project n group projects with very tight deadline. I have a feeling that i might not be able to maintain my grades. I always get confused when doing individual prjs. i really hope that things which i am worrying of would turns out well. Initially i aimed for GPA4.0 but by looking at my progress now, i worry for myself.

went to punggol plaza with bf to get his army just now and met his friends. we went to Suki Sushi restaurant for dinner. I chat with his army friend's friend- Nat. She graduate with a GPA of about 1.5 but now she is working at some banking firm, picking up phonecalls. her pay b4 CPF is about 2k with no working experience. For a moment, i ponder.. i asked myself.. should i work so hard? should i be a paralegal ? a paralegal has so much responsibilities but the pay is so minimal. a small firm could only pay about 1.7k and a big firm could pay about 2 k. i mean.. don't u think that it's too little ? what shld i do ?

study business in uni?
work in a law firm first ?
study in law sch in next yr sep ?
study in a private law sch in singapore?
switch n do other degree?
sign on with the police force ?

i am so lost .

looking at my GPA .. haix..............

bf is going back tmr @ 7.45am. He got into OCS and is training to become a navy officer. i am happy for him because i know that his future will be very bright and life will be easy after that =) however, i feel a little disappointed. i know that he will not be able to stay by my side for long cos he would need to sail. It could be months. i detest leaving him, i want him to be by my side when i need a hug, a shoulder to cry on, a ear to listen my sorrow and a soul to share my joy. Although he told me that things will never change and we will be like the past. i knew it in my heart, i knew that he cannot be by my side for long. i hate crying everytime he leaves. i hate being alone. i hate loneliness....i hate missing him but i can't control myself.

I miss peeping at him when i am suppose to study, bite his thin hair when he piggyback me, cover him with a blanket when he is sleeping.... there's so much ..

Dear, i love you.
I just want to stay by your side.


Love you always,
Jasmine Neo

是 我只是傻情人.

Rushing prjs and slp for about 3 hrs everyday, attend bf pop at 8am, accompanying him till 3pm, went training alone at 4pm, on the way to compass point now . Going to bf Hse again later. Tired. Nobody appreciate:(

It's bf graduation parade today, I wake up early in the morning , dress up and went down to the float @ Marina Bay. Sitting at the audience seats, I could Clearly see the soldiers ! I tried spotting for bf but to no avail cos they seriously look the same ! A soldier passed out during the pop, guess must be the 24km march which drained away all his energy . I am really very proud of you dear ! Thank you for defending us :)

Went home ytd and drafted my wills prj. Finally done with it and Slept at 6am ... In sch nw.. Gonna finish shipping no matter what .. Argh .. I hate my life .



You suck !

I am blogging in the train ! Finally I am done with research and sorting of client's list ! I am so tired and I don't feel like cheering. Now, I feel the stress to cheer... I felt pressurised . I hope that I can go home soon .. :(

I miss you kahau :(

Unknowingly my love for him grew so deeply, I never meant to be selfish and unreasonable. I tried to put a hard front all the time but only ends up crying miserably. Love shouldn't be this way, there should be breathing space. I knew that but why am I behaving likewise? Love is not about possession and over reliance. I will change the way I look at love so that I would not pressure my love ones and also myself. I will prioritize my commitments and should not let love cloud over my dreams and my life. I'll learn to let go .. Maybe We will become happier.....

Sometimes I just hope that you can be a little patience towards me and not vent your anger when you are frustrated. It feels different , different from the past. Those little act of love kind of faded .... :(

Man Slept Next To Dead Wife for 5 Years

Went to court yesterday. Ms Lim was very nice, she brought me with her all the time and never neglect me. We went to high court and asked for adjournment after that to sub court for mediation at the dispute resolution center, after that we went back to KW and then back to sub court for yet another mediation. Next, she brought me to the lawyers' lounge, it was a very nice place with lawyers gossiping and chatting within their committee.

I wake up very early today to draft my defence for my client. My fault, i didn't finish them last night as i doze off =( gonna rush now and submit asap. I really hope my dreams of being a lawyer will come true. i will hold on to this dreams. maybe it will not happen now.. 10, 20 30 years... i'll wait.

Dearest Kahau,

Be Back Soon ok?




Signing off
Jasmine Neo =)

An Unforgettable Novel

Just want to let you know that
you are the BEST thing that happened in my life
your presence strengthen me
with you around me,
dark doesn't seems to be scary
i learn to take things easy
i am definitely happier than before
do you know that ever since i know you,
My GPA never falls below 3 ?
its the love you gives keeps me going..

i didn't know love can be so magical
Thank you Dear.

Love you and missing you
still waiting..

Its the F1 PARTY Organized by KW this evening ! This event will be held in KW and we can view the F1 race from our building! cooooooool !

Hopefully i won't fall sick later cause i am still recovering from food poisoning and fever.

Have been feeling quite hot tempered this few days, probably due to my illness. feels quite bad when i actually lost my temper to dear. =(
really sorry for that.....pls forgive me.
(Given by dear when i was in bad mood)

Got my result back 2 days ago, this is the best results i had ever achieved. I got GPA 3.5 this semester. Finally my hard work pays off. Thank you Dear for being by my side all this while.

missing dear like crazy
I can finally see dear on Thursday, can't wait!

1 more week to seeing dear! the first had not been easy for me. It was my school holiday and other than coaching, i spend the rest of my time thinking of him. It was kind of weird at first, I guess i am too used to his presence. This is not a gd thing, i shouldn't be over reliance.

This week is my internship, gd to be busy n stress but i still misses him when i am alone.

yesterday we chat over the phone for abt 30 mins, we chat all the way from sengkang train station to the point i reached home.it just feel so gd to hear his voice and know that he is doing fine =)

love kahau
still waiting !

It was the first day of internship, very busy.
got a surprise call from dear at 1pm which was my lunch break !

9 more days to seeing dear !
i am so excited !

Every night i hug dumbo to sleep, it is as if i am hugging you to sleep...



love you kahau
still waiting

Chat with him over the phone, he wasn't feeling well. He sang to me, i held my phone closely and listened quietly. Tears welled in my eyes.


Baby i am waiting for you.

How i wish i can web cam with you
Just like the past



i was very busy yesterday, firstly give tuition at 8.30am, next cheering at 2.30, friend's birthday party after training. I reached home at 12 plus am , after that bath and sleep. How i hope everyday can be this busy so that i won't miss you so badly.

Tomorrow will be the first day of attachment, quite scare. Dear, how i wish you can be by my side =(

Gonna send Daniel for tuition class now after that bring my sibling for lunch at macdonalds. Lastly , will pay a visit to dear's family.



missing you still.